The Writing Part:
It seems inevitable that I would resort to the blogosphere. I love to write, I love to read, I avoid doing work at all costs, and I spend far too much time on the computer reading others' blogs, so why wouldn't I? However, I really hoped this day would not come. First of all, anyone can find this, and in a weak moment I could completely see myself going on a rant about some politician's bad move or boyfriend's insensitive comment, and now will forever have to pay by never being elected into some fictitious office appointment or have to apologize a million and one times to boyfriend for posting his words for all of the universe to read (and depending on how mean said boyfriend's comment was, have to make him dinner every night of the week for naming him specifically and calling him a jerkface). I wouldn't put it past myself. Yet, the time has come that I have decided I must get back on the horse (or trolley if you wish) and face my fear of writing. Ever since the disaster of my honors thesis and withdrawl from the Ph.D program, I have been scared to write for the public eye. I love to read and love to edit other's work, but am terrified of criticism of my own. Yet, I have been frightened and avoiding for far too long. I have spent the last few years avoiding what I love and what I want to do because I was too frightened to find out what it was or if I was any good at it (and it has lead me to this god-forsaken degree, so, many mistakes have resulted from this fear). This is my baby step back into the literary/writing world, and it really is all about the baby steps.
The Internet Part:
Technology is a dangerous, dangerous thing and for all of the time I spend on it, I still hate it. It has degraded our ability to communicate with one another, and caused numerous people to join fictitious worlds in order to escape the reality of life. Now, I am all for escaping the reality of life in certain ways, like books, movies, and chocolate, however this internet world is so easy to get sucked up into that some people do not come out. Not to mention man's steadily decreasing ability to spell or use grammar correctly (who needs to with Word correcting all of our little mistakes?!). Yet, it can do wonderous things to bring people together from across timezones and continents and connect, which is amazing when you really stop to think about it. So I struggle with the concept of using the internet as the medium of choice for my voice.
I have a close friend that truly believes that the End of Days is coming (hopefully, he doesn't think soon because that would be kind of creepy), and the machines will be taking over everything. I want to believe that technology is just a fad and that future generations will realize how far away we have gotten from the written word and communication between each other that we will go back to the days of hand written letters and gold embossed seals. Neither seems likely in the near future, but I cannot help but feeling like I am part of the problem by putting my thoughts and feelings out in the world here, rather than calling a friend or writing in my book. But here lies an obvious convenience and opportunity I can no longer ignore.
Therefore, I kind of see this blog as not an end to my beautifully written-in scrapbooks under my bed, but as an expanse to it. In physical writing, you must carefully choose each word and craft it as you go, but this is my stream-of-conscious, Jack Kerouac, need-to-vent-so-I-don't-lose-sight-of-the-big-picture-while-struggling-through-this-awful-degree-type blog. Here, I seek to be able to lose myself and be honest for tiny bit of the day, while trying to reconnect with myself. Hopefully, you'll enjoy the ride with me.
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